Saturday Night Live has been on a downward spiral ever since their big talent left. SNL has become a springboard for movie stars and it seems to take less and less time for the talent of the show to move on and go straight to Hollywood (straight to the moon). The only funny people on SNL, and I mean THE ONLY FUNNY PEOPLE (sorry for that outburst of Caps), are Bill Hader, Andy Samberg and Kristen Wiig. Bill Hader is well on his way to becoming a star in Hollywood; Andy Samberg was in Hot Rod and could soon find his way into more movies and then grow even more in popularity; and Kristen Wiig isn't too far along yet but I'm sure that after Adventureland, she will be moving on to greener pastures as well (where the deer and the cantaloupe play... see what I did there... cantaloupe...).
SNL has had eras. There was the Chevy Chase/Steve Martin/Eddie Murphy era; the Phil Hartman/Chris Farley/Adam Sandler era; and the Will Ferrell/Colin Quinn/Tracy Morgan era. All of these eras have been fantastic and insanely entertaining (like a mental hospital... explosive entertainment). But now, we are now in what I like to call the "Post-Jimmy Fallon" era. For some reason, after Jimmy Fallon left the show, the entire thing fell apart (like a house of comedy cards). He was like an unfunny, laugh during every single sketch glue of some kind (probably horse glue).
I know what you're thinking... This doesn't make any sense. We have all spent the last few years absolutely hating Jimmy Fallon and talking about how overrated (by who?) he is. He was even hired to take Conan's place after he moves up to Leno's time slot when the great Late Night switch happens this year (who made that decision? It wasn't by viewer votes otherwise I'd blame hanging chads). How could this man possibly be the reason why SNL is in its current holding pattern of pure suck? I don't know... I really don't. All I know is that he is and I have a couple of theories.
Theory 1:
Because Jimmy Fallon laughed during every sketch, he made the other cast members look so much better. Think about it... In the beginning, we all thought that Fallon was laughing because something extremely funny was happening and so, in turn, it caused us to laugh even harder. Near the middle, he was being overshadowed by every other cast member and was getting fewer sketches. He had Weekend Update but the only reason he made that funny is because he literally only read the news... That's it... He read the news and sat next to Tina Fey which instantly made him look even worse by comparison (it's tough to go against the Fey). So, he decided to leave SNL and embarked on a film journey we all call... Taxi (how dare they use the name of a beloved TV show). This movie single-handedly should have ruined the rest of his career and for awhile there, it did until he resurfaced (like the Loch Ness monster) as the man who would replace Conan (the Irish Barbarian). It didn't make any sense and it still doesn't (probably never will).
(Conspiracy) Theory 2:
Jimmy Fallon is a spy. This could be the only explanation (hear me out). Jimmy Fallon was hired by MadTV in order to bring down Saturday Night Live. I'm sure that I'm not the first person to say this and I probably won't be the last. MadTV always was the red-headed stepchild to SNL's black haired beauty (what did I just say?). SNL always slammed MadTV in the ratings and was always getting more publicity and attention (this is based on my own research). MadTV had to come up with a plan. They found a young, innocent Jimmy Fallon and trained him in the arts of mediocre comedy (Will Sasso or Alex Borstein obviously didn't train him). He was hired on at SNL, probably for his looks, and had to play it cool for awhile. He was charming and laughed during sketches because gosh darn it all, that Will Ferrell is one funny fellow (that's how Fallon talks). It worked for awhile until MadTV activated the chip in Fallon's head and he went on a show-ruining rampage of unwarranted laughter, terrible line deliveries and whatever else he decided to crucify during his crushing crusade of comedy (that's called alliteration folks). Then, MadTV had to get rid of its weapon and so after Fallon left SNL, they set him up with a part in Taxi (how dare the use the name of a beloved TV show). It destroyed Fallon's career. However, this story wasn't finished yet (could be a neverending story... hehe). Fallon would have his revenge. When MadTV was ultimately cancelled, Jimmy Fallon came back into the limelight and is now hosting the Late Show with Jimmy Fallon (it's almost a coincidence that he was hired for a show that has his name in the title.... OR IS IT?!?).
So, as you can see, the reason why Saturday Night Live is in such deep trouble is because Jimmy Fallon left. It doesn't matter which theory you choose (I'm partial to the 2nd one myself) because the proof is in the pudding (Jello Pudding Pops).
On a side note, I want to say sorry to Jimmy Fallon (and I feel sorry for him). He is in way over his head and I don't know if he'll be able to climb out of the hole he has dug for himself. He probably shouldn't have accepted the Late Night position or at least should've gotten some better writers beforehand. I know for a fact that I couldn't host that show and maybe Fallon should have come to the same realization: Some people are meant to host and some are not (while some are meant to disappear... forever).
Good luck, Jimmy! We're all rooting for you (except for... everyone).
Friday, April 17, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
For Your Consideration: Are Awards Important?
With the plethora of award shows (and new ones cropping up all the time) that are out there, it would seem that winning one of them wouldn't be too difficult. If you make movies, you've got the BAFTA's, Academy Awards, Golden Globes, MTV Movie Awards, Independent Spirit Awards, SAG Awards and, if you really suck at making movies (Uwe Boll), they even have the Razzies just for you (Aww... Failure). If music is more of your thing, they have the Grammy's, MTV Video Music Awards, Country Music Association Awards and a few other smaller shows that I couldn't find (on the first page of Google... research... ha). Does neither one of those industries fit you? Well, there's also awards for video games and they are... the Video Game Awards on Spike (inventive name) but there are also other awards you can win at shows like E3 and GDC. There are writing awards like the Pulitzer. There are spelling bees, Scrabble tournaments and Major League Gaming (I'm a gamer and this even makes me cringe a bit when I hear it).
My point is that no matter what hobby you have or job that you do, there is more than likely an award that can be given to you (RhYmEd It!). So, if you've never won an award, then what's the problem? What are you doing wrong? Are you a failure? By George, of course not (almost spelled that Boy George)! You are just as deserving as the rest but therein lies the problem. With so many awards to be won, hasn't the thrill of winning them dwindled (the thrill is gone)? I think that it depends on your personality, whether or not you've won in the past and just how much you care about what other people think (self-consciousness is the number one cause of tooth decay). Here are a couple of examples:
For this example, I'm a first-time director who has had his short film nominated for an Academy Award. Nobody has ever seen this movie (not even the Academy) and therefore nobody really cares whether or not it wins, except for me and others involved (girlfriend... mom... dad... uh... mom and dad). My movie is announced as the winner and I go on stage to accept the award. I have been waiting my entire life for this moment and so I cry a little (not like Halle Berry... yeesh); thank God and my parents; and then walk off stage, into utter oblivion (15 minutes of fame... -14 minutes because they cut my speech off with music... of course). In this specific example, yes, the award is important to me because it is the first one and it fills me with a sense of accomplishment that wasn't there beforehand (or during-hand... but yes, after-hand). Thank you, the Academy, for making my dream come true!
For the second example, I'm a distinguished actor who has one the awards 3 times already, took a brief hiatus filled with a lot of paycheck roles and then made a "comeback" (I was never gone) to win for the 4th time. To me, this ain't my first rodeo (tired... tired phrase). I've ridden this bull for 24 seconds already and the extra 8 (total: 32) won't make too much of a difference for me. I'll just be able to fill one more empty space on my mantle with a meaningless award from people that I don't even know. There aren't any John Wayne's or Clint Eastwood's anymore (oh... he is still alive... good for him!); there are only feminine Twilight-type guys and John Cena's left in this world. There is no in between choice for those who remember the good old days when the Oscars actually meant something (the 60's, 70's and 80's). They call my name and I walk up to the podium, filled with a concealed, fiery, old guy rage. I keep my cool as I go through my speech telling the people want they want to hear (remember that one time when I was relevant?). I walk off the stage and into the free bar that they have waiting backstage when I am immediately surrounded by the younger generation of Hollywood. They tell me how much of an inspiration I am and how honored they are to be in my presence and I wish I could say the same (but I can't... what's the point, right?). One of them has 12 kids, each of a different race, following her around the backstage as she tries to corral them like miniature cattle. I think to myself, "12 different guys, at least that part of Hollywood hasn't changed much." I see another who has been nominated for that year's "socially relevant film" dealing with religion or some other controversial subject (remember when movies used to be about cowboys and the mafia?). I go home and put my Oscar in the closet next to the others. Thank you, the Academy, for making me reflect on and strongly resent the last 10 years of my career (was I Al Pacino or Robert De Niro? Or, was I a combination? I took artistic license with the amount of Academy Award wins but those guys have been snubbed plenty of times to warrant a few extras).
Now, this is me talking. After seeing so many people win these awards, I have come to the conclusion that I am never going to win one (ever). Am I the only person in the world who would gladly accept a Razzie or an Opposite-of-Pulitzer Award (that was fabricated)? Hey, at least somebody actually took the time to watch or read your work and felt that it needed to be judged (like Davy Jones... "Tyler Perry... You must be punished... 100 years before the mast"). Do I need to be acknowledged for what I've done (judging by the readership of this blog, which is ZERO, I would say no)? It would be nice but it isn't a necessity. It would be cool to be able to post a .jpg of an award on my blog though (Least Read Blog in the History of Blogs Award).
I guess the answer to the question, that I asked nobody but myself, is this: it depends. Are you a baby-faced newcomer or a grizzled professional? Do you dream of seeing the world or have you seen it all and said, "meh?" These are questions that don't really need to be asked but are food for thought (bacon-y delicious).
(This post has been brought to you by the number 2 because the "Rule of Three" was much too difficult today.)
My point is that no matter what hobby you have or job that you do, there is more than likely an award that can be given to you (RhYmEd It!). So, if you've never won an award, then what's the problem? What are you doing wrong? Are you a failure? By George, of course not (almost spelled that Boy George)! You are just as deserving as the rest but therein lies the problem. With so many awards to be won, hasn't the thrill of winning them dwindled (the thrill is gone)? I think that it depends on your personality, whether or not you've won in the past and just how much you care about what other people think (self-consciousness is the number one cause of tooth decay). Here are a couple of examples:
For this example, I'm a first-time director who has had his short film nominated for an Academy Award. Nobody has ever seen this movie (not even the Academy) and therefore nobody really cares whether or not it wins, except for me and others involved (girlfriend... mom... dad... uh... mom and dad). My movie is announced as the winner and I go on stage to accept the award. I have been waiting my entire life for this moment and so I cry a little (not like Halle Berry... yeesh); thank God and my parents; and then walk off stage, into utter oblivion (15 minutes of fame... -14 minutes because they cut my speech off with music... of course). In this specific example, yes, the award is important to me because it is the first one and it fills me with a sense of accomplishment that wasn't there beforehand (or during-hand... but yes, after-hand). Thank you, the Academy, for making my dream come true!
For the second example, I'm a distinguished actor who has one the awards 3 times already, took a brief hiatus filled with a lot of paycheck roles and then made a "comeback" (I was never gone) to win for the 4th time. To me, this ain't my first rodeo (tired... tired phrase). I've ridden this bull for 24 seconds already and the extra 8 (total: 32) won't make too much of a difference for me. I'll just be able to fill one more empty space on my mantle with a meaningless award from people that I don't even know. There aren't any John Wayne's or Clint Eastwood's anymore (oh... he is still alive... good for him!); there are only feminine Twilight-type guys and John Cena's left in this world. There is no in between choice for those who remember the good old days when the Oscars actually meant something (the 60's, 70's and 80's). They call my name and I walk up to the podium, filled with a concealed, fiery, old guy rage. I keep my cool as I go through my speech telling the people want they want to hear (remember that one time when I was relevant?). I walk off the stage and into the free bar that they have waiting backstage when I am immediately surrounded by the younger generation of Hollywood. They tell me how much of an inspiration I am and how honored they are to be in my presence and I wish I could say the same (but I can't... what's the point, right?). One of them has 12 kids, each of a different race, following her around the backstage as she tries to corral them like miniature cattle. I think to myself, "12 different guys, at least that part of Hollywood hasn't changed much." I see another who has been nominated for that year's "socially relevant film" dealing with religion or some other controversial subject (remember when movies used to be about cowboys and the mafia?). I go home and put my Oscar in the closet next to the others. Thank you, the Academy, for making me reflect on and strongly resent the last 10 years of my career (was I Al Pacino or Robert De Niro? Or, was I a combination? I took artistic license with the amount of Academy Award wins but those guys have been snubbed plenty of times to warrant a few extras).
Now, this is me talking. After seeing so many people win these awards, I have come to the conclusion that I am never going to win one (ever). Am I the only person in the world who would gladly accept a Razzie or an Opposite-of-Pulitzer Award (that was fabricated)? Hey, at least somebody actually took the time to watch or read your work and felt that it needed to be judged (like Davy Jones... "Tyler Perry... You must be punished... 100 years before the mast"). Do I need to be acknowledged for what I've done (judging by the readership of this blog, which is ZERO, I would say no)? It would be nice but it isn't a necessity. It would be cool to be able to post a .jpg of an award on my blog though (Least Read Blog in the History of Blogs Award).
I guess the answer to the question, that I asked nobody but myself, is this: it depends. Are you a baby-faced newcomer or a grizzled professional? Do you dream of seeing the world or have you seen it all and said, "meh?" These are questions that don't really need to be asked but are food for thought (bacon-y delicious).
(This post has been brought to you by the number 2 because the "Rule of Three" was much too difficult today.)
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Where Do You Find Inspiration?
Inspiration is like a unicorn (beautiful, but deadly). It is majestic and glorious but very rare. You hardly ever find it (or see one in the wild). I, for one, have a lot of trouble finding inspiration or motivation when trying to work, go to school or write anything. I look around the room and try to find it. I look out the window and try to find it. It is elusive indeed (like a jack rabbit or some such nonsense). While looking around my room, I usually just end up imagining what it would it be like to break down the wall and really surprise my neighbors in the connected apartment (Surprise, there goes your deposit!).
Inspiration can come in all shapes and forms. It can be in the form of a person, animal, storm, book, movie, video game, newspaper, Chinese food container, brown paper bag, website, flower, flounder, bounder or quarter-pounder (wha?). I'm trying to say that it can come from anywhere and I think I have illustrated my point. You can't go looking for it, I suppose, but I really wish I could just hunt it with my Smith and Wesson or my 12-gauge (I don't own either of those, but I'm confident that I could find one somewhere... just... lying around). I could kill it, skin it and eat it to gain its power (Power of love... You don't need money... Don't take fame... Don't need no credit card to ride this train).
The truth is that it isn't that simple. I sometimes stare at my computer screen for hours at a time trying to come up with an idea. I come up with millions of them but none that really stick. Here's an example of an idea that I come up with:
"Ok, so there's this guy. He is a marksman who competes in competitions and is considered one of the top 5 shooters in the world. His secret is that being a marksman is only his day job and in fact he is a hitman by night. So, I guess, in a way, he is totally a marksman all the time. That is his curse though. He has a son who wants nothing to do with him but ends up following in his footsteps none the less. During one assassination, the son fails and is being chased down by the men who hired him. It is up to the father to save the son and learn a lesson in what is truly important in life."
In that movie, I would picture Sylvester Stallone being the father and Shia Lebouf being the son. Wouldn't that be awesome (Nope)???
Here's another example, but this one comes when I am staring out the window during school:
"Ok, so there is this guy (this sounds promising!). He is just an average guy who hasn't done much in his life. He decides that he wants to work for the FBI. To his surprise, they hire him right away and give him a very important case. He is assigned to protect the most important asset to America and maybe even the world... Bono. Hear me out... Bono is on a mission to save Africa from itself when all of a sudden a regime from Somalia comes in and attempts to kill him. The main character is in a race against time to get Bono out of Africa, adopt a child and take down the evil regime that is controlling Africa. I call it... Escape From Africa. It will star Bono and Don Cheadle."
So, now you see what I'm dealing with. My brain betrays me into believing that the random ideas coming out are actually good and that I should make them into a story of some kind. Well, brain, I'm not falling for it anymore. You are no longer my muse. Inspiration cannot be found within yourself because it will just be the regurgitated version of an original work (I'm looking at you Hollywood, stop throwing a dart at your DVD collection or archives to decide which remake should come out this year... or I'll throw darts... at your face!).
Now, onto the second most important topic of this (random) post. Motivation is an evil, cruel and mischievous fellow. It pops up at the most inopportune times and forces you to do its bidding. You need to clean your room because your girlfriend and her parents are coming over to watch movies (who does that?); motivation is nowhere to be found. You just want to sit down and enjoy some nice video game or movie time by relaxing and motivation shows up to ruin the party. Maybe you should clean your bathroom (I'll clean your bathroom, motivation... at your face!).
It really is depressing how easy it is for your brain to convince you that its time to do something. For example:
Me: "You know, I should really just take a day to relax and play some video games. Yeah, I think I deserve it. I've been working hard with school and work and I-"
Motivation: "You've been putting off the gym for a long time now... You're getting a bit... pudgy."
Me: "Pudgy? Well... You're fat!"
Motivation: "Don't take it out on me, Pudgy McPudge. You can't eat Chef Boyardee, large nachos from Amigos and drink copious amounts of Mtn Dew (Mountain Dew for the uninitiated and uncool) without gaining some weight... a lot of weight... like a metric ton of it."
Me: "How is being cruel going to motivate me?"
Motivation: "Your brain tells me that authority is the only thing you respond to. It also tells me that your low self-esteem can be used against you to an extreme degree."
Me: "Yeah? Well, my brain is a backstabbing heart breaker. Why don't you tell him that?"
Motivation: "I will, the next time I seem him. Although, it is getting increasingly difficult because of the sheer magnitude of your fat head."
Me: "I don't need you, " I said, turning to the old lady sitting next to me on the bench.
Old Lady: "That's what my family tells me..."
Needless to say, I felt pretty horrible about the whole ordeal. This is why motivation is evil. Motivation and inspiration are also in cahoots (haha... cahoots). They work together in order to make my life a living hell and that's not cool (cool whip). Motivational Inspiration. Inspirational Motivation. Pure Evil.
I have a warning for all of you writers or wannabe writers out there. Don't ever listen to your conscience; don't ever look for inspiration; and most importantly...
I'm going to go make a sandwich.
Inspiration can come in all shapes and forms. It can be in the form of a person, animal, storm, book, movie, video game, newspaper, Chinese food container, brown paper bag, website, flower, flounder, bounder or quarter-pounder (wha?). I'm trying to say that it can come from anywhere and I think I have illustrated my point. You can't go looking for it, I suppose, but I really wish I could just hunt it with my Smith and Wesson or my 12-gauge (I don't own either of those, but I'm confident that I could find one somewhere... just... lying around). I could kill it, skin it and eat it to gain its power (Power of love... You don't need money... Don't take fame... Don't need no credit card to ride this train).
The truth is that it isn't that simple. I sometimes stare at my computer screen for hours at a time trying to come up with an idea. I come up with millions of them but none that really stick. Here's an example of an idea that I come up with:
"Ok, so there's this guy. He is a marksman who competes in competitions and is considered one of the top 5 shooters in the world. His secret is that being a marksman is only his day job and in fact he is a hitman by night. So, I guess, in a way, he is totally a marksman all the time. That is his curse though. He has a son who wants nothing to do with him but ends up following in his footsteps none the less. During one assassination, the son fails and is being chased down by the men who hired him. It is up to the father to save the son and learn a lesson in what is truly important in life."
In that movie, I would picture Sylvester Stallone being the father and Shia Lebouf being the son. Wouldn't that be awesome (Nope)???
Here's another example, but this one comes when I am staring out the window during school:
"Ok, so there is this guy (this sounds promising!). He is just an average guy who hasn't done much in his life. He decides that he wants to work for the FBI. To his surprise, they hire him right away and give him a very important case. He is assigned to protect the most important asset to America and maybe even the world... Bono. Hear me out... Bono is on a mission to save Africa from itself when all of a sudden a regime from Somalia comes in and attempts to kill him. The main character is in a race against time to get Bono out of Africa, adopt a child and take down the evil regime that is controlling Africa. I call it... Escape From Africa. It will star Bono and Don Cheadle."
So, now you see what I'm dealing with. My brain betrays me into believing that the random ideas coming out are actually good and that I should make them into a story of some kind. Well, brain, I'm not falling for it anymore. You are no longer my muse. Inspiration cannot be found within yourself because it will just be the regurgitated version of an original work (I'm looking at you Hollywood, stop throwing a dart at your DVD collection or archives to decide which remake should come out this year... or I'll throw darts... at your face!).
Now, onto the second most important topic of this (random) post. Motivation is an evil, cruel and mischievous fellow. It pops up at the most inopportune times and forces you to do its bidding. You need to clean your room because your girlfriend and her parents are coming over to watch movies (who does that?); motivation is nowhere to be found. You just want to sit down and enjoy some nice video game or movie time by relaxing and motivation shows up to ruin the party. Maybe you should clean your bathroom (I'll clean your bathroom, motivation... at your face!).
It really is depressing how easy it is for your brain to convince you that its time to do something. For example:
Me: "You know, I should really just take a day to relax and play some video games. Yeah, I think I deserve it. I've been working hard with school and work and I-"
Motivation: "You've been putting off the gym for a long time now... You're getting a bit... pudgy."
Me: "Pudgy? Well... You're fat!"
Motivation: "Don't take it out on me, Pudgy McPudge. You can't eat Chef Boyardee, large nachos from Amigos and drink copious amounts of Mtn Dew (Mountain Dew for the uninitiated and uncool) without gaining some weight... a lot of weight... like a metric ton of it."
Me: "How is being cruel going to motivate me?"
Motivation: "Your brain tells me that authority is the only thing you respond to. It also tells me that your low self-esteem can be used against you to an extreme degree."
Me: "Yeah? Well, my brain is a backstabbing heart breaker. Why don't you tell him that?"
Motivation: "I will, the next time I seem him. Although, it is getting increasingly difficult because of the sheer magnitude of your fat head."
Me: "I don't need you, " I said, turning to the old lady sitting next to me on the bench.
Old Lady: "That's what my family tells me..."
Needless to say, I felt pretty horrible about the whole ordeal. This is why motivation is evil. Motivation and inspiration are also in cahoots (haha... cahoots). They work together in order to make my life a living hell and that's not cool (cool whip). Motivational Inspiration. Inspirational Motivation. Pure Evil.
I have a warning for all of you writers or wannabe writers out there. Don't ever listen to your conscience; don't ever look for inspiration; and most importantly...
I'm going to go make a sandwich.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
The Newest and Best Television Show
My name is Nathaniel Eggers, better known as Tricera-Savior. My goal and calling in life is to save the people of earth from evil itself, Tricera-Evil that is. Along with my sidekicks, the Tricera-Trifecta, we will rid this beautiful planet of all the ugliness that attempts to destroy it. My source of power will remain unknown for fear that my enemies may dare to use it against me. My identity, however, can be known for I am merely a man bestowed with a gift of reinforcing justice in a justice-less age. I seek to restore the balance of imbalance; I strive to potent the impotent; and I shave regularly, laughing in the face of second-day stubble. It is hardly even a pawn in the evil game of chess being played in front of our very eyes. It is only a nuisance that is easily dealt with for I must always have a smooth-as-a-baby’s-butt complexion and also so that I can use sayings that aren’t even relevant in today’s hoity-toity world. Hoity-toity is something only Tricera-Savior can say now. It is a phrase lost in the sands of time and phased out to the point of utter oblivion. Also, I have ADD.
"TRICERA-"
The Beginning
The Perfect Night/Day
So, here was my perfect plan for last night, into this morning.
1. Go to Buffalo Wild Wings for my girlfriend's birthday with her and a bunch of friends.
2. Drink one tall glass of beer and have 3 shots of hard liquor with names like: Four Horsemen, Goldschlager and something with Crown Royal in it.
3. Say things like “I’m squeezing heads” and make up a television show called “Tricera-“. In the show, the villain is Tricera-Evil and he has minions like Tricera-Hands, Tricera-Backs and Tricera-Twins (they are not triplets because they are cloned). The bad guys always end up losing of course to the main hero, whose name I haven’t come up with yet.
4. Study for an Econ test for about 30 minutes while half-asleep.
5. Sleep for about 7 hours.
6. Wake up and take a Spanish test that I forgot about but rock it because I’m 1/8 Mexican (not true).
7. Get out of Spanish early so that I can study for the Econ test for about 20 minutes beforehand.
8. Do decently well on the Econ test with the exception of a question that defied logic. 32+28+24+24+20+20 does not equal 60, 72, 136 or 156. It just doesn’t. You can’t add it up differently to get one of those answers. So, I put 156 and I know it’s wrong somehow. Econ isn’t supposed to be 1 + 1 = 3 but it definitely seems that way.
9. Go to work after school and stare at a computer screen for about 5 hours.
The perfect ending to a perfect night/day.
1. Go to Buffalo Wild Wings for my girlfriend's birthday with her and a bunch of friends.
2. Drink one tall glass of beer and have 3 shots of hard liquor with names like: Four Horsemen, Goldschlager and something with Crown Royal in it.
3. Say things like “I’m squeezing heads” and make up a television show called “Tricera-“. In the show, the villain is Tricera-Evil and he has minions like Tricera-Hands, Tricera-Backs and Tricera-Twins (they are not triplets because they are cloned). The bad guys always end up losing of course to the main hero, whose name I haven’t come up with yet.
4. Study for an Econ test for about 30 minutes while half-asleep.
5. Sleep for about 7 hours.
6. Wake up and take a Spanish test that I forgot about but rock it because I’m 1/8 Mexican (not true).
7. Get out of Spanish early so that I can study for the Econ test for about 20 minutes beforehand.
8. Do decently well on the Econ test with the exception of a question that defied logic. 32+28+24+24+20+20 does not equal 60, 72, 136 or 156. It just doesn’t. You can’t add it up differently to get one of those answers. So, I put 156 and I know it’s wrong somehow. Econ isn’t supposed to be 1 + 1 = 3 but it definitely seems that way.
9. Go to work after school and stare at a computer screen for about 5 hours.
The perfect ending to a perfect night/day.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
WAIT! Something to Write About
There is a problem that is plaguing the great world that we live in (not Bubonic). It is forcing us to cough up $10, then $20 and even as much as $60. What is this problem? It is unoriginality in movies and video games. Let me give you an example:
I come to you as a screenwriter and/or director with an idea for a film. You are the producer (the big spenda) and you have to decide, out of thousands of submissions, which movie to make (spend ya money on). I just happen to have two ideas (I like to come prepared..... and I like to party). Both of my ideas would take roughly $100 to $150 million to make and so you have to make your decision based on multiple factors. The first idea is an experimental movie that blends genres together. It is a musical comedy with horror/action themes set in the past but also includes elements of time travel in order to take our main cast, of relatively unknown actors, to different eras in history and they get to sing songs about it (you can try to think of a movie like this and how awesome it would be but trust me, there isn't one). You think about this idea and say, "I don't know, it's a bit risky. I think that you need to get the hell out of my office." I tell you to wait one hot minute (who says that) because I have a second idea that will blow the first one out of the friggen water (note: I only said that I had a second idea and in all actuality... I don't have one... I sweat for a second and then think.... BAM!... Got it!). I give you the pitch:
"Ok, ok... So there's this character called... Skyman or Airman (haven't decided yet) and he is a superhero. He can fly and shoot stuff out of his fingers. He fights crime, no matter how big or small the offense, and loves the good old U.S. of A. There is one problem though. He is married and has 3 kids. His alter-ego is... uhh.... Simon Arman (dodged a bullet) and he can dodge bullets... I mean... His family can't find out that he is a superhero or else they will leave him for someone more normal... Like an accountant... Which is what Simon Arman does for a living when he's not being Skyman (or Airman). The movie is about his rise to prominence and the eventual t-shirt, toy, comic book and sponsorship deal that come along with the lifestyle (not unlike what would happen in real life if the movie took off). He just fights crime and stuff. Buildings get blown up and there is a villain in it that I just can't talk about yet because I have an actor in mind and what his collaborative efforts involved in it."
"Ohhhhh... What actors?"
"I've already gotten in contact with Brad Pitt, Robert Downey Jr., Mickey Rourke, Phillip Seymour Hoffman and that kid from Slumdog Millionaire"
"Which kid?"
"All of them."
"Aaah... I see..."
"Yeah, so as you can see, I have some pretty solid ideas already in the works and would just need some time to finish writing it."
Which one do you pick, producer? Do you pick the shot in the dark film (which could be a flop of epic proportions similar to Waterworld or Battlefield Earth) or do you pick the film that has so many names dropped that you can put a banner on the poster that says "Nominated for Every Single Award Ever Made" (in June, when no awards are given away and no nominations have been made). As you can see, the life of a big time Hollywood producer is not nearly as glamorous as you probably, previously envisioned. It's tough as nails and in this economy, the decisions are weighed even more heavily than in this example. Let me show you what I mean...
Let's look at the summer release schedule for this year (the ones that you've heard of):
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Star Trek
Angels and Demons
Terminator Salvation
Night at the Museum 2
Up
Land of the Lost
The Taking of Pelham 123 (it might be a stretch that people have REALLY heard of this)
Year One
Transformers 2
Ice Age 3
Public Enemies
Bruno
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Funny People
Inglourious Basterds
H2
Only a handful of these are completely and wholly original and even though they may be good movies, they aren't necessarily going to make a statement or change the way that movies are made. They probably aren't going to be groundbreaking but they are more than likely going to be box office breaking. This isn't the only evidence.
How many times have you heard of new movies being made and then it says in small print that is a remake of a really old movie or a foreign film? Let me tell you how often, every second of every minute of every hour of every day (.....). That's how often! Evil Dead is going to be remade, Nightmare on Elm Street is going to be "rebooted" and a ton of other movies that we have all grown up with or seen already are going to be remade and why? It's because people go to see these movies. People go see that movie with Queen Latifah in it where she does the thing with the whatever and learns a lesson. They go see the remake of Halloween and Friday the 13th. They go see the one millionth Tyler Perry's Madea Does This or That And May or May Not Go To Prison For It movie (exact title). People pay to see remakes and that is where the money is right now. Original movies are often given the negative moniker of "independent" or low-budget. I can safely say that I'm not a fan of the whole indie scene because some of those movies are just boring to me but there are some that deserve to make hundreds of millions of dollars based solely on the reason that they are entertaining, intelligent and very well-made. People aren't willing to take risks on these movies because money is tight and the genres that are doing well right now involve superheroes, horror remakes or Tyler Perry. It's a fact of life that we will just have to get used to until someone decides to take a chance and succeeds (Avatar may be the only movie this year that is extremely original and not just a gimmick that uses 3D, I have a lot of hope resting on James Cameron here).
In the end, people just want to be entertained and I am almost positive that I will go see many of the films that are on that list because I just want to escape the questions about the economy and whether or not we're in a recession or a depression (deprecession?). I'm tired of hearing about how people want Obama to fail or how this group is right and this group is wrong. I just want to go a movie and see stuff get blown up or to have characters make me laugh. I don't have anything against the people that go see the movies that I listed up above (TP and QL movies) because that is there style and that is cool. I am just worried that instead of original ideas, every year is going to be a slate full of remakes (even remakes of movies that only came out 2 or 3 years ago).
My one prayer is that they never decide to remake or "reboot" the Star Wars series or some other beloved property because if they do, there will be enormous amounts of hell to pay! I have said my peace (peace out).
I come to you as a screenwriter and/or director with an idea for a film. You are the producer (the big spenda) and you have to decide, out of thousands of submissions, which movie to make (spend ya money on). I just happen to have two ideas (I like to come prepared..... and I like to party). Both of my ideas would take roughly $100 to $150 million to make and so you have to make your decision based on multiple factors. The first idea is an experimental movie that blends genres together. It is a musical comedy with horror/action themes set in the past but also includes elements of time travel in order to take our main cast, of relatively unknown actors, to different eras in history and they get to sing songs about it (you can try to think of a movie like this and how awesome it would be but trust me, there isn't one). You think about this idea and say, "I don't know, it's a bit risky. I think that you need to get the hell out of my office." I tell you to wait one hot minute (who says that) because I have a second idea that will blow the first one out of the friggen water (note: I only said that I had a second idea and in all actuality... I don't have one... I sweat for a second and then think.... BAM!... Got it!). I give you the pitch:
"Ok, ok... So there's this character called... Skyman or Airman (haven't decided yet) and he is a superhero. He can fly and shoot stuff out of his fingers. He fights crime, no matter how big or small the offense, and loves the good old U.S. of A. There is one problem though. He is married and has 3 kids. His alter-ego is... uhh.... Simon Arman (dodged a bullet) and he can dodge bullets... I mean... His family can't find out that he is a superhero or else they will leave him for someone more normal... Like an accountant... Which is what Simon Arman does for a living when he's not being Skyman (or Airman). The movie is about his rise to prominence and the eventual t-shirt, toy, comic book and sponsorship deal that come along with the lifestyle (not unlike what would happen in real life if the movie took off). He just fights crime and stuff. Buildings get blown up and there is a villain in it that I just can't talk about yet because I have an actor in mind and what his collaborative efforts involved in it."
"Ohhhhh... What actors?"
"I've already gotten in contact with Brad Pitt, Robert Downey Jr., Mickey Rourke, Phillip Seymour Hoffman and that kid from Slumdog Millionaire"
"Which kid?"
"All of them."
"Aaah... I see..."
"Yeah, so as you can see, I have some pretty solid ideas already in the works and would just need some time to finish writing it."
Which one do you pick, producer? Do you pick the shot in the dark film (which could be a flop of epic proportions similar to Waterworld or Battlefield Earth) or do you pick the film that has so many names dropped that you can put a banner on the poster that says "Nominated for Every Single Award Ever Made" (in June, when no awards are given away and no nominations have been made). As you can see, the life of a big time Hollywood producer is not nearly as glamorous as you probably, previously envisioned. It's tough as nails and in this economy, the decisions are weighed even more heavily than in this example. Let me show you what I mean...
Let's look at the summer release schedule for this year (the ones that you've heard of):
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Star Trek
Angels and Demons
Terminator Salvation
Night at the Museum 2
Up
Land of the Lost
The Taking of Pelham 123 (it might be a stretch that people have REALLY heard of this)
Year One
Transformers 2
Ice Age 3
Public Enemies
Bruno
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Funny People
Inglourious Basterds
H2
Only a handful of these are completely and wholly original and even though they may be good movies, they aren't necessarily going to make a statement or change the way that movies are made. They probably aren't going to be groundbreaking but they are more than likely going to be box office breaking. This isn't the only evidence.
How many times have you heard of new movies being made and then it says in small print that is a remake of a really old movie or a foreign film? Let me tell you how often, every second of every minute of every hour of every day (.....). That's how often! Evil Dead is going to be remade, Nightmare on Elm Street is going to be "rebooted" and a ton of other movies that we have all grown up with or seen already are going to be remade and why? It's because people go to see these movies. People go see that movie with Queen Latifah in it where she does the thing with the whatever and learns a lesson. They go see the remake of Halloween and Friday the 13th. They go see the one millionth Tyler Perry's Madea Does This or That And May or May Not Go To Prison For It movie (exact title). People pay to see remakes and that is where the money is right now. Original movies are often given the negative moniker of "independent" or low-budget. I can safely say that I'm not a fan of the whole indie scene because some of those movies are just boring to me but there are some that deserve to make hundreds of millions of dollars based solely on the reason that they are entertaining, intelligent and very well-made. People aren't willing to take risks on these movies because money is tight and the genres that are doing well right now involve superheroes, horror remakes or Tyler Perry. It's a fact of life that we will just have to get used to until someone decides to take a chance and succeeds (Avatar may be the only movie this year that is extremely original and not just a gimmick that uses 3D, I have a lot of hope resting on James Cameron here).
In the end, people just want to be entertained and I am almost positive that I will go see many of the films that are on that list because I just want to escape the questions about the economy and whether or not we're in a recession or a depression (deprecession?). I'm tired of hearing about how people want Obama to fail or how this group is right and this group is wrong. I just want to go a movie and see stuff get blown up or to have characters make me laugh. I don't have anything against the people that go see the movies that I listed up above (TP and QL movies) because that is there style and that is cool. I am just worried that instead of original ideas, every year is going to be a slate full of remakes (even remakes of movies that only came out 2 or 3 years ago).
My one prayer is that they never decide to remake or "reboot" the Star Wars series or some other beloved property because if they do, there will be enormous amounts of hell to pay! I have said my peace (peace out).
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